we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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