that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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