I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
