I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
