after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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