Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
