im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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