i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
