my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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