do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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