My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
