I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
