During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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