I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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