Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
