I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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