so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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