I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
