you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
