I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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