lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
