there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
