bring money and cleavage
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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