I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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