made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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