her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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