Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
