I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
