he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
