Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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