the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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