Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
