is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
