You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
