i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
