I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
