So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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