Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's get the cat blown out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
