Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
