We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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