They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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