That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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