my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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