You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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