If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
