"it" just moved
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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