is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
