i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
