I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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