Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
