i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
