Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
