You really coming over, don't trick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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