shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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