she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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