Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
