just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
