Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
