I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
