Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
