Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
