these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
