I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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