and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
