I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
