We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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