I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
