i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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