Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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