i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
