If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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