I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
