You really coming over, don't trick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
