Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
