I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
