First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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