And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
