we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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