No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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