I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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