I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
